january 8, 2022

mood: frustrated listening: deftones

 dad woke up at 11 pm. i already took my ambien, and the last time he did this i was on a reverse schedule for a week. i JUST got back to a normal schedule. for a single fucking day. then he ruined it. i've told him several times NOT to wake me up, because i can only take one ambien a night

 consequently he found out about the blood clot. he tried to mansplain medical treatment to me and give me terrible advice. he told me if i'm coughing up blood to to go to the doctor and i'm like "how... do you think.... i found out i have a blood clot???" then he told me i need to get lots of exercise to "get the clot out." that's bad, actually. exertion can make it move, and of course it makes my breathing laboured. if it move it's possible it can go back into my heart or into my brain, resulting in a heart attack or stroke that could kill me. the blood thinners are to dissolve it, not make it move somewhere else

lol and when i got back from the hospital day of he wasn't concerned at all

me: *walks through the door*
him: *immedialy* how much gas is in the jeep
me: i just came back from the hospital
him: yeah but how full is the tank
me: *openly irritated* i went to the local hospital, tank's full
him: *doesn't ask me why i was in the hospital*

i feel like i could literally be on my deathbed and he'll just pull his stupid inconsiderate selfish bullshit. turn off my life support bc the respirator is making too much noise for his liking or something

 because things aren't bad enough, i've gotten several emails from various social media telling me they've had false logins. steam, facebook, nintendo, gaia... someone is trying to hack into every account linked with my email. the only thing i can think to do is change my email, which is....... beyond tedious to the point it might be more troulble than it's worth. i've had the email for 12 years now. literally everything is linked to it. i can't imagine how much time and effort it's going to be to update everything, not to mention making a new one entirely....